Inch by Inch Life's a Cynch

I must say that ,medically, this has been a busy week, an expensive week.

We saw a fertility specialist, lets call him Dr V, at a fertility clinic in Sandton, 3 times this week.  Turns out that the timing was perfect.  We first saw him on Monday, day 8 of my cycle for out initial "how can I help you" consultation.  He did an internal scan (my first ever - I wasnt expecting it so I didnt have time to mentally freak myself out before it - a good thing), and measured the length and width of the one follicle developing in my left ovary. No activity in my right.  (I will not be having fraternal twins). He measured the width of the cross section  of my Uterus and was not too pleased with the thickness. It measured 5.7 millimeters, and should have measured 7 mm by that stage of the cycle.

Scan over, he took a good, thourough look at the test results that I brought with from my previous gynie and suggested more tests for hubby and that I come back in 4 days, on day 12 to have a day 12 scan, to re-check the follicle position and Uterus lining.  This is done to predict the ovulation date.

Back early (06:30) on Friday morning for the 12 day scan.  Hubby's results are absolutely fine.  My left ovary was right on schedule (as expected, its the right one that keeps its own time table).  But my Uterus is still not as thick as he would like.

The scan showed that Sunday will be day 14 and Ovulation Day.  So on Sunday to the doctor we went - for our Post Coital test - basically we do our thing ("Babydancing" is the fertility community jargon for this) really early so that by the time we get to the doctors office at 8am the swimmers have had ample opportunity to get as far as they can.

The Post Coital (PC) test revealed that, plainly put, I kill sperm.  Shame.  The 'lil swimmers didnt stand a chance. It was quite cool - the doctor showed us the preparation under the mcroscope,  I witnessed the mass murder first hand.

Next steps... a Laparoscopy to elimintae the Endometriosis that is causing the mucus to be so hostile - the doctor had a suspicion from the first appointment on Monday that this would be the case.  The thickness of the uterus, the acne around my jaw line, and now the hostile mucus - all tell-tale signs of Endometriosis.
While he is in there, he is gonna check the tubes out for any blockages aswell as any other abnormalities. So the 2nd of June will be the day for this. On the bright side I am looking forward to clearer skin!

It can take a few months for the mucus to normalise after the Laparoscopy, so we will need to go back for the same Day 12 scan Day 14 PC tests once the Lap'scope is done until I stop killing the swimmers.

We have friends that have been this route and have had eventual success falling preganant naturally.  I am encouraged that we are on the right path.  The doctor we are seeing, is the scientific expert in this field, and while being expensive, he is the best we could have hoped for. He has a very gentle bedside manner and explains every detail patiently and in laymans terms and actually asks us if we have any questions before we leave the consulting room. (amazing!!!)

This has really provided some much needed answers for me, I feel much more more at peace, and more in control (even though I know deep down inside, and am prepared to admit even deeper down, I really am not). Just knowning what's actually going on has really calmed me. 

I still wonder why all this is necessary for us, but God has a plan, we just have to walk the road.  We have to trust him and remember that he is faithful.

Freedom to Hope

A friend who lived in a far away dictator-run country visited for a few days.  The picture she described of a community of people, displaced from thier counrty, but illegally in the one they live in. Unable to go home for fear of thier lives.  Much like our African neighbor and the refugees flooding our borders.

Looking at the similarites, and although the two countries are worlds apart, the heart of the problem is the same.  HOPE.

Some have it - a hope for the future - expecatiations that in thier future there is something good waiting for them, be it tomorrow or in a week or two. Others dont, expecting nothing good, or different from day to day. Stuck in a whirlpool of displacement with no way back.

Some have hope for the future here on earth, and thats where it stops. Others have a hope beyond here. Beyond tomorrow's experience.

An anticipation for something beyond the job they have, the car they drive, the house they live in, the pets they keep, the DVD collection on the shelf, the concerts they attend, the clothes they afford, bla bla bla.

Hope is the freedom to place trust in something bigger, something unseen, someone real, and to really believe with all your heart that prayers are heard, miracles happen and that there is A Divine Plan. To some the idea of this is silly, childish, for the weak.

Put yourself in the shoes of the (pick a counrty with dictatorship)-ean refugee who has had to flee for thier lives, and cant go home because of the risk of being imprissoned, not being legal in the county they happen to find themsleves in.  Without a home, without a job or a way to make life work.  What can you offer them? 
Now Hope doesnt seem childish or immature or weak does it? Infact it seems inhumane not to offer them something that lasts longer than a buck or two. Hope for the hopeless. 

It's this displaced refugee that needs the freedom to believe thier prayers are heard, that there will be a miracle in thier life and that there is A Divine Plan.

We all get displaced from time to time. Life throwas the preverbial curve ball. The job gets tough, a relationship doesn't pan out be what you thought, or bad news derails our well and carefully laid plans.

We all need hope.  To be free from worry of what people will think of us when we decide to hope. After all, not to be allowed hope is inhumane.

Hope deffered makes the heart sick - We could heal a whole lotta hearts if we encouraged Hope.